Passed Over Seder

I didn't go to a Seder last night or tonight. As penance, I'm doing laundry.

In addition to being in my numb funk, I've been thinking about why I always feel like I'm getting nagged to do the things required of me as a Jew whenever there is a holiday. Why does no one question the fact that I eat meat and cheese together (bathing a cow in its mother's milk), or that I do work on the sabbath. What makes one holiday more important than another, especially when I've been taught that Shabbat and the high holidays are the most important.

Right now, I don't feel as though religion is that important to me. I believe that faith, belief in something, is much more important than following the strict dogma imposed by religions. Religions provide a template for how to live your life. I live my life the way Judaism taught, as best I can. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I should actually say as it suits me. I'm not perfect. But then again, neither is religion. It can be perverted, and often is. Nothing is a greater sticking point for people than what they believe in their souls. It's the reason discussions of politics become so volatile, and the reason religion is often tied to politics.

I believe in many of the things Judaism has taught me. When you get right down to it, I believe in its commandments and its rules. But I don't believe that I must follow everything exactly to the letter. I believe that if I believe, and follow the blue prints for how to live my life as a pious person, I don't need anything else.

One day I'd like to get into a rhythm of going to services. I'd like to make sure I don't skip out on holidays, and I definitely want to do the occasional Shabbat service. But right now, religion isn't what's important to me. Maybe that makes me a terrible person. But one must be true with one's self before he can think about anything bigger or beyond.